Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Carnival of the Cat(man)
REOOOOOWR! Since my attempt at having all The Ladies within three city blocks was aborted by a Stupid Goddamn Rat Who Shall Remain Unnamed, I decided to take things in a different direction. My (cute and irresistible) eyes chanced upon one Carnival of the Cats floating around in 'teh' blogosphere. They (whoever is running this carnival, hopefully one of the ladies) are looking for posts about cats, and catblogging, whatever. Let me tell you something, Ladies:
ROOOOOOWR! Tomkyou is all the cat you need! Cat!...man. Whatever. Stroke my fur and hear me purr. Hey, that rhymes! Ain't that the best? Come on, I think I deserve a belly rub for that.
MEOOOWR! I realize I have the head of a man, but we can deal, no? Let me sing for you. "I once had a can of tuna, it smelled three days old--" nah, awful song. Anyway, I can do all sorts of lovable crazy catman crap for you--including clawing the Man in Your Life to tiny shreds! Ladies, do you really need a smelly hunk of homo sapiens sitting in front of the TV swilling on beer and doing nothing? I... will do the same thing. Minus the beer. But I will be on your lap purring lovingly to you all the while. PRRRRRRR. Can your man purr? I'm sure he can. I am also sure he sounds like shit. So it's your call, ladies. Genuine purrer, or shitsounding purrer. It's your call. PRRRRRR.
Since this is a carnival of cats, plural, I have a message to all the other Toms out there--keep your queens locked up else they have a litter of cute little Tomkyous serving as a reminder of your impotence as lady-pleasers. I don't hold as big a grudge against fellow Toms as I do against male humyns (and especially that Ingemar character--more like, that bulbous mass of failure with a computer chair). In fact, we can hang out and yowl in front of houses filled with nothing but stinking men. And we can also engage in no-holds-barred clawfighting. But don't any of youse THINK about coming between me and The Ladies or--
REEEEEOWR!... You're gonna end up first on a "Missing Cat" sign, then in the Pet Cemetary.
Well Ladies, Toms, and Queens, I hope you can see that I, the lovable Tomkyou, will be an indispensable addition to your Carnival. ROOOOOOOOWR!
# posted by Ingemar @ 10:26 PM 
