Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Wierdos
REEEEEOOOOOWR! No, the answer is not Ingledork, but if that was your first guess, you deserve a visit from me, so I can cuddle with you. If you're a lady, that is. If you're a guy, you deserve death by a thousand cuts, whether or not you got the answer right. ROOOOOWR!
Meow. Anyway, I saw the Simpsons one day. No, this is NOT gonna be a post on how I think Snowball II is a severe cutie (though my runningmate Kisa Sohma is a severe cutie too). Anyway, in this one episode, the fat police chief or whatever had a stand in the Renaissance Faire for a mythical Esquilax do-hickey, which was "A horse with the head of the rabbit, and the body of a rabbit." Three things came to mind that moment--
1. REEEOWR! I'd like to tear that Wiggum a new asshole!
2. ROOOOOWR! That Esquilax would make a fine snack if only it didn't sound like a laxative!
3. HSSSSSS! Reminds me of some basket-case I once knew.
Now that I think about it, besides fragmented visions of my kittenhood, my earliest memories bring me back to a UCSD lab (and despite what that shitheaded rat tells you, that Tohru story I gave earlier was TRUE! dammit!). Anyway, I remember this basket-case Junior who was a lab assisstant, who liked to call himself HARU-MON.
One ugly son of a bitch, right? Anyway, he claimed he was a dragon with the head of a man and the body of a man. And he had a thing for Beanie Babies. I could only guess what he did with Beanie Babies would be illegal if he tried it on real babies. But besides that, he's a tough dude. Damn, a tough guy with a wierdo streak who likes Beanie Babies. Suddenly, Michael Jackson looks Amish (though I still hate the guy, and all male humans for that matter).
Anyway, he brought one of his Beanie Babies to the lab one day and played with it (not in THAT way) and generally dicked around (again, not int THAT way) instead of helping Professor Horsefucker or whoever the dude was that ran the place. Annoyed with the so-called Haru-mon, I gave his Beanie Baby a makeover vis-a-vis my claws while he wasn't looking. Then he went totally apeshit and said,
"YOU HAVE ANGERED THE MIGHTY DRAGON! PREPARE FOR A WORLD OF FEAR AND RED WELTS!"
Then he pinched me all over. ROOOOWR, that's some never-forgive action there. So one day, I followed him home from the lab, using my catlike prowess. I found his stack of Beanie Babies, and, ever so sneakily, marked them all as my territory. MRRRROOOOWOR! That'll show him. By the Law of the Cat, if he ever gets near that shit, I should have the right to kick his ass.
# posted by Ingemar @ 10:28 AM 
