Monday, April 18, 2005
Conservation
REEOOOOWR! So people be's asking me, "Tomkyou, you sure do hate humyns a lot. Does that mean you're big on animal conservation?" I got two bones to pick with that statement. Firstly, as many of my regulars know, I do NOT hate ALL humans. I only hate the males, and specifically Ingedork. And just so you know, I am not basing my hatred of male humans solely on Ingefailure. I don't care if you're Brad Fucking Pitt--if you're a guy human, I hate your guts. And I will likely rip your guts out and eat them. The corollary to what I just asserted is that I LOVE the LADIES. Why? Because they're cute, and they think I'm cute, and they are prone to giving me belly rubs when I purr. PRRRRRRRR. And my running mate for the first ever President of the World race is a SEVERE CUTIE--
MRROOOWR! I'm getting a little off track. Does the fact that I hate MALE humans mean I'm big on animal conservation? In a word, NO. I'm sure that there are at least several species we (OK, I) can do without. First are dogs. Why hate dogs? For fuck's sake, the slobber, they put distgusting shoes in their mouths, they act like idiots with their leashes on, their parents don't teach them how and where to take a shit--the list goes on. Yes, I know they are "Man's best friend." For your information, I don't give a decaying rat's ass about that, since I am only partially man, and most dogs I have met show no interest in being friends of mine. Second on the list are wolves. They barely make the list, though. They have some dignity, unlike dogs, but if the family tree of evolution tells us anything, any given wolf will someday be domesticated and slowly retard into a dog. So a creature that is potentially a dog has to be blotted out of the Tomkyou's list of species. The last species I think we can do without is that of the Rat. "Why hate rats? Aren't they a food source?" Well, yes they are, but we cats have a wider menu of food than just those scaly-tailed sons of.... I don't know what female rats are called. But anyway--THEY JUST ANNOY ME TO DEATH! ISN'T THAT REASON ENOUGH? Man used to eat dodo. Dodos are extinct. But man is fatter than ever. I wouldn't mind losing one measly food source.
Is it Ratkind that annoys you, Tomkyou, or just me?
RROOOOOWR! Motherfucker! What the hell are you doing here? God, I swear I'm gonna grind your bones into paste!
Speaking of paste, I just flushed your worm medication down the toilet. Now you'll know what it's been like for Ingemar and me, to live with an irritating asshole. Oh my!.... I just used a swear word!
GRRRAWWR!! I just hate you sooooooooo much!
# posted by Ingemar @ 1:38 AM 
